Michele Bachmann is a useless fucking cunt

Can he say that on here? Of course I can, especially since it happens to be so fucking true. In what I can safely say is the most infuriating piece of news to come out of Washington in some time, Michele Bachmann and her buddies on the Congressional Prayer Caucas--the very existence of which utterly appalls me--recently wrote a letter to President Obama criticizing him for the sparsity of the words "God" or "Creator" in his public addresses.

Bachmann and her cohorts erroneously claim this lack of religiosity "cast[s] aside an integral part of American society," apparently by, "removing one of the cornerstones of our secure freedom." Really, Michele? What about my freedom from having your ancient, mystical, and ultimately incorrect point of view shoved down my throat?

First, for my sake, I'd like to point out that Michele Bachmann's ignorance in this matter, in my opinion, does not represent the primary viewpoint of her Minnesotan constituency--though this perhaps is due to my unwillingness to believe that my once-home state could be overrun by such stale, backword-thinking right-wing sympathies.

I flat-out reject Bachmann's assertions that "God" represents either an integral part of society or a cornerstone of our freedom. The very concept of a Christian God--one who is creator and master of all things, and that ultimately has the authority to condemn a soul to an eternity of damnation--is in all ways anti-freedom. The bullshit concept of seven deadly sins--all of which are an unavoidable part of what it means to be human--is perhaps the most devious control on individual freedoms ever to spew from the mind of man. In a sense, there could be no greater threat to the truest ideas of freedom than this concept of "God."

As far as representing an "intergral" part of society, I ardently disagree. The machinations of the god-worshipers and the sects by which they identify have shown through time to be very detrimental in serious ways. "God" and his name have been evoked in some of the sickest ways imaginable, allowing for human beings to do to others what would otherwise be nothing short of unthinkable. Also, I take it for granted that this god does not truly exist, as absolutely all available evidence (there's that word again Christians) points to the negative. As such, I honestly believe that, with time and awareness, the common knowledge of God's non-existence will eventually prevail, though on no certain time-table. With this being the case, it seems perfectly clear that we cannot, or at the very least ought not, allow ourselves to saddle God or his supposed word with the lofty title of Integral to Society.

Perhaps most shocking and frustrating to me (as I am rarely shocked anymore by the general stupidity of the religious right) is that this matter has found its way to the President and his public despite the enormous legitimate tasks facing every one of these representatives. With our country taking giant shit after giant shit all over this Earth and at home, the time of our elected officials is being spent bickering over a fucking fairytale. I'd assert--unscientifically--that potential factors in our current national financial woes include our tendency as a society to represent a major anomaly within the well-documented relationship between increasing wealth and decreasing religiosity in societies, if not directly than by some correlation (i.e. stupidity).

Rev. Barry Lynn of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State called Bachmann's position "one of the silliest manufactured controversies I've ever seen," in a statement released in response to the letter. I tend to agree, though because I believe Bachmann-like thought is a serious threat to reasonable people everywhere, I would substitute the words "most ludicrous" for "silliest" to remove the connotation that anything about this type of thinking could be funny.

Michele Bachmann is a true disgrace to Minnesota and the nation at large. Her sense of values is completely out-of-whack, and the idea that she could be voted to such a position in life casts a horrifying reflection on the population that elected her. On behalf of myself and decent, freethinking people everywhere, I take great pleasure in typing to Mrs. Bachmann a well-deserved, "Fuck you very much."

Jeff N.

~One Nation, under Reason, with Liberty and Justice for all

Another One of Yours!

Continuing our evisceration of religious fundamentalists, hypocritical douchebags and the holiest of whack-jobs that we began with Fred Phelps, we will now move on to another equally deplorable human being(a term I use loosely as 'humanity' isn't a characteristic he possesses). His name is Pat Robertson, and much like Phelps, his religious propaganda and homophobia have spread like wildfire and prospered for reasons beyond my comprehension. His main occupation is that of televangelism but I'm almost positive he spends the majority of his free time verbally abusing puppies. Really adorable puppies at that. If you are unfamiliar with Pat Robertson, let me offer you this brief video as a means of introduction to a very disturbing individual.

This guy gives obscenely rich, old, white men a bad name.

Pat has been going strong on the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) for nearly half a century, mainly on the channel's primary show 'The 700 Club,' providing his delusional interpretations of all things holy, political or whatever may have just happened to set him off on say, the ludicrous notion that earthquakes were caused by whatever country's people decided to not profess loyalty to his faith (I'll touch on this again in a second.) Here's a few choice selections of the vast ocean of ridiculous quotes Robertson has let fall from his lips.

"Well, you know, Thomas Jefferson, who was the author of the Declaration of Independence said he wouldn't have any atheists in his cabinet because atheists wouldn't swear an oath to God. That was Jefferson and we have never had any Muslims in the cabinet."

"Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many were homosexuals - the two things seem to go together."

"I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss."

"My personal feeling is that oral sex is against nature."

My personal feeling! Very scientific of you, Pat. There are countless more, but you can find these all over the internet. It's actually incredibly reassuring that so much negative activity surrounds Robertson's name at all times, but he still holds strong onto a massive audience. Generally, these quotes are found between Bible verses or messages of God's love and compassion. The hypocrisy of it is absolutely mind-boggling. If you have fallen prey to superstitious nonsense that will probably eventually suffer the same fate as Greek or Roman mythologies, Pat welcomes you with open arms. If you are a rational person that chooses not to hate someone based on sexual orientation then you shall be consumed by fire for eons(and then some.)

TANGENT! Isn't the entire idea of an eternity in hell completely ridiculous? I mean, I honestly feel that absolutely nothing within a living person's capabilities could warrant such a punishment. Even if you were to murder, in cold blood, every person alive an eternity would still make no sense. A human being's lifespan as of now of around 80-90 years has no right being matched up with forever. It literally has no end. While roasting in Hell, you have no ability to change your situation, no ability or reason to repent, and no way to even communicate with your would've-been savior. The great part is, you don't even have to commit genocide for this to happen. You could just steal a book from Barnes & Noble and then find yourself sitting in a lake of fire. Isn't that just the scariest thing you can imagine! Man, I sure hope that doesn't happen to me for writing this fucking blog! Eternal damnation is as clumsily constructed a method of fear-control that can possibly be manifested by religion. It's idiotic. Now, back to this other idiot.

One thing most people have seen or heard of Pat Robertson mentioning is that of the victims of the earthquake in Haiti having made a "pact with the devil" and bringing God's wrath upon themselves via this curse upon them. Here's a small part of what he said on that broadcast.

“They were under the heel of the French, uh, you know Napoleon the 3rd and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so the Devil said, 'Okay, it's a deal.' And, uh, they kicked the French out, you know, with Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by, by one thing after another, desperately poor."

Now, on this fun subject, it's important not to bring fallacy into the issue by stating he believed they 'deserved' this. The significant detail is that he believes this actually played a role in the earthquake that devastated the lives of well over 3 million people. A legend, that many historical scholars look at with an incredibly skeptical eye, of slaves invoking Satan's assistance to free them from their captors in 1791, somehow had God so furious he finally decided to do something about it 220 years later. If I was religious, it would seem to be in my favor to link the earthquake to tectonics, rather than that of this unpunctual deity that doles out vengeance to those simply related to the obviously poorly educated slaves from centuries prior. I've never been much of a fan of being grouped together with crimes my ancestors may or may not have committed and I'm even less of a fan of being swallowed up by the earth as a penalty for them. Natural disasters occur. They can be horrific and they can unleash more power than all the armies of the world combined, but they are not premeditated. To presume so is to be completely dismissive of the natural sciences and it is one of the most peculiar cases of 'wish-thinking' that I can imagine.

Every year or so, Pat has a new prediction about a terrorist attack or mini-Armageddon that will be unleashed upon us all due to our tolerance of homosexuality, abortion etc. He generally works in reverse by seeing a situation and blaming it upon something he doesn't like or understand, much in the same way Hurricane Katrina's cause was discovered. (You guessed it. Sin.) It isn't difficult to do, but it is pretty low to say such absurdly unjustified statements in the immediate wake of a worldwide or national tragedy.

Religion and Christianity aren't ideas to a man like this. To Pat Robertson, and an unsettlingly large group of people, God is already proven, we already know everything there is need to know, and you're already 100% wrong for thinking otherwise. Is he one of yours? He certainly isn't one of mine.

David D.

The Trojan War

You may or may not have heard recently of the surprising decree by Pope Benedict XVI that condoms may now, at long last, be used in some cases where it may help reduce the risk and thereby prevent the spread of AIDS and/or other equally devastating sexually transmitted diseases (last time I checked that was all cases.) In the Pope's infallibly informative new book, "Light of the World: The Pope, The Church, and the Sign of the Times," he goes so far as to explicitly state that the use of a condom by a homosexual prostitute (gender is a non-issue) is hunky-dory, minus all the sin. Now, this is quite an admittance by the Catholic church and I do commend them for finally recognizing the fact that, if precautions are taken, the spread of these fatal diseases can be limited. It has been the chorus call of the Vatican for decades that condoms have no impact upon the spread of STDs and that they could not contain the epidemic occurring in Africa, and throughout the world. For those of you clinging your Bibles, afraid that the Catholics have stripped down their traditions of sexual suppression and dived into a world of sin and hedonism prior to wedlock, it is very important to make note of their nearly unchanging opposition to contraception in any form and maintain that sex is purely a means of procreation.

They were wrong about this one so were all the previous proclamations of total condemnation of any form of birth control wrong as well? After all, these people claim to be speaking as a conduit for the almighty. A flaw as glaring as this one makes me far less than hesitant to call them out for many of the other ways they say life should be led. As an organization that receives myriad tax breaks and a never-ending stream of income through their humble and worldwide congregation, they in turn offer to us a means of salvation and a window to the truth of life, death and what lies beyond. Whenever someone offers something as high-reaching as they do, an equally lofty amount of skepticism should meet it. After knowing, not merely thinking, but knowing that condoms were wrong in every sexual application, they can simply now say things are different and a slight miscalculation was made. Tiny mistake, you know? Minuscule like the deaths of 2 million+ people per year. Nothing of much importance that they had unabashedly declared a sin for which an eternity in hell would be sufficient punishment. Hatred behind the guise of love can can accomplish quite a lot. A person is more than free to change their stance or idea on anything they say or believe when new evidence or understanding is brought to their attention, but isnt it suspicious when that person claimed divine authority the first time around? Does this not subject all ideals of Catholicism to the same scrutiny as is finally being applied to condom-use?

My main thoughts on this amendment to what is and is not acceptable in both yours and my own life is how many people were directly and indirectly impacted by barring the distribution and use of latex condoms in heavily diseased countries that desperately could have benefited from their presence. These holy decisions flew in the face of medical science on the Vatican's 'well-thought-out' grounds of their sole use being to allow people to fornicate for pleasure and without obligation as opposed to family-oriented sexual-intercourse. Religion's battle with the hardwiring of our sexual and primal impulses rages on, unfortunately the most passionate ones may also be on the side having the most boring sex imaginable.

David D.

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

Bob Rubin

Good sans God

In an editorial published recently at boston.com, columnist Jeff Jacoby shares his philosophy that God is a necessary component of human goodness. He cites historical examples to push his point that human beings cannot, without the word of God, know what is truly right or wrong. His editorial is a response to announcements that atheist groups in America are spending money to promote their non-belief around the holidays. In 2008, the message was "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake." This year, after expanding to TV and other media, the ads are going further, depicting the long-existing links between religion and violence.

Jacoby's stance, though ignorant, represents a pretty typical Christian-American viewpoint. These weak-minded people remove themselves from the responsibility of formulating their own moral identity. Jacoby writes:

For in a world without God, there is no obvious difference between good and evil. There is no way to prove that murder is wrong if there is no Creator who decrees “Thou shalt not murder.’’ It certainly cannot be proved wrong by reason alone. One might reason instead — as Lenin and Stalin and Mao reasoned — that there is nothing wrong with murdering human beings by the millions if doing so advances the Marxist cause. Or one might reason from observing nature that the way of the world is for the strong to devour the weak — or that natural selection favors the survival of the fittest by any means necessary, including the killing of the less fit.

I take grave offense to this statement as well as to the viewpoint it represents. Rather than rebut Mr. Jacoby myself, I'll let you read what Christopher Hitchens has to say on the subject.

I think our knowledge of right and wrong is innate in us. Religion gets its morality from humans. We know that we can't get along if we permit perjury, theft, murder, rape, all societies at all times, well before the advent of monarchies and certainly, have forbidden it...Socrates called his daemon, it was an inner voice that stopped him when he was trying to take advantage of someone... Why don't we just assume that we do have some internal compass?

Hitchens, of course, is a leading authority and spokesperson on the subject of atheism. Along withThe God Delusion author Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens is one of the most recognizable and outspoken anti-theists. He speaks worldwide and is known for having a standing offer to debate any religious authority who would care to challenge him of the subject of religion. Needless to say, he is smarter than Jeff Jacoby.

The reason I take such particular offense to this form of human subjugation to the idea of god is simple: I resent the notion that we could possibly need the "word of God" to make moral decisions. First, this idea robs humans of a precious distinction within the animal kingdom. It takes away one of our primary attributes, moral consideration. Second, this kind of thinking is patently and decidedly incorrect. Because human beings themselves invented the notion of God, a god, or many gods (depending on the time and place), they themselves are the originators and propagators of all morality, even the supposedly "divine." Third, by allowing ourselves to defer these decisions and considerations to invented deities, we dangerously transfer the responsibility and accountability of our actions to a fictitious source.

Not every human, be they atheist, Catholic, Muslim, agnostic, or of any other belief, is "good," and there may be no universal standard for what that very ubiquitous-but-vague term means. The most important thing to keep in mind though is that we MUST take responsibility for our individual senses of right and wrong. We all do this in different ways, and this is just fine--so long as it comes from inside yourself rather than the inapt, dusty pages of antiquity.

One of Yours!

Positively Harmful is extremely pleased to introduce our first serial column, “One of Yours!,” in which we’ll highlight a different religious person—and their absurd or disturbing behavior—each week. Our purpose, as always, will be the shedding of light upon ludicrous, supposedly “pious” persons and practices with keen wit and unyielding mockery. Our basis for selection is simple: we’re stoked that, as atheists, we have absolutely no association with these people, be they standard quacks, truly evil hatemongers, or simply religious assholes.

What better way to kick things off, then, than by spotlighting the man who may very well represent the highest embodiment of quack, hatemonger, AND asshole. I’m speaking of no other than Westboro Baptist Church founder and noted anti-gay protester Fred Phelps. Phelps has seen his share of notoriety regarding his extreme views and the inflammatory nature of his protests and, as such, I’m sure many of you are familiar, at least vaguely, with this first-rate cunt.

The images of men, women, and children holding signs bearing “God Hates Fags,” “God Hates Fag Enablers,” “God Hates America,” and “God Hates Your Tears,” the last of which referring to tears shed by mourners at funerals of fallen U.S. servicemen*, provide more than ample support for our inclusion of Phelps.

But that’s not all, folks! The WBC’s primary website, godhatesfags.com (which I would refrain from visiting as not to generate additional hits for Phelps’ site), contains a rolling count of the number of human beings god has “cast into hell” since you loaded the page (approximately 2 per second). In more fun with numbers, godhatesfags.com also provides the enlightening statistics that god has killed 5780 American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, poured some 220 million gallons of oil in the Gulf, and, my personal favorite, killed 16,000,000,000 people in the “Flood.” No, I’m not drunk, I meant to type nine zeros. That’s because, according to this scholarly source, sixteen billion people were killed in god’s great flood (contrasted with eight survivors, a number the site also wants us to keep in mind). Fuck sake! I didn’t even think we had that many people now. Shows what I know I guess.

Lest you think Phelps only hates the GLBTA crowd, try this quote on for size.

Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s–40s Nazi Holocaust had, (probably minuscule, compared to the Jewish Holocausts against Middle Passage Blacks, African Americans and Christians—including the bloody persecution of Westboro Baptist Church by Topeka Jews in the 1990s), has been drowned in sodomite semen. American taxpayers are financing this unholy monument to Jewish mendacity and greed and to filthy fag lust. Homosexuals and Jews dominated Nazi Germany ... The Jews now wander the earth despised, smitten with moral and spiritual blindness by a divine judicial stroke ... And God has smitten Jews with a certain unique madness ... Jews, thus perverted, out of all proportion to their numbers energize the militant sodomite agenda... Jews are the real Nazis.

Fuck you very much, Mr. Phelps. I’m quite sure whatever “bloody persecution,” to say nothing of its probably being quite justified, the WBC endured at the hands of Topeka Jews, does not register in the cosmic justice balancing equation against the FUCKING HOLOCAUST, you giant douche!

Even in defending himself, Phelps is an asshole.

We don't believe in physical violence of any kind, and the Scripture doesn't support racism. ... The only true Nazis in this world are fags.

But wait just a second there, Fred. You ended that other ignorant, hateful comment with “Jews are the real Nazis,” but you close this one by saying “The only true Nazis in this world are fags.” Well, which is it? Who ARE the Nazis? Jews or fags, Jews or fags… The world is dying to know!

It doesn’t really matter, of course, because to Phelps and his brainwashed band of ill-bred followers, we’re ALL fags, we’re ALL Nazis, and we’re ALL fucked. Now, it may seem easy enough to dismiss this man, his cohorts, and their relentless picketing as harmless spectacle. After all, the counter-protests they attract are generally larger, often by several times, than their own efforts. As I see it, there are two key reasons we, as rational men and women, cannot allow ourselves the luxury of dismissing the WBC.

First, though the adult followers of Phelps (a large portion of whom are in some way related to Phelps himself, go figure) may be lost causes, the many children dragged to these events and instructed to bear signs, the implications of which they assuredly do not fully comprehend, do not have to be. This type of mental abuse, of conditioning and brainwashing, though used in some fashion by most if not all major religions, is particularly insidious in the case of the God Hates Fags agenda. Without consequences for Phelps, and the WBC as a whole, these innocents will again and again be subjected to the unbridled fusion of hatred and idiocy. Every malleable mind lost to this kind of scum is a loss for humanity.

The second key rationale for taking Phelps seriously is this: Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church’s travel budget for picketing alone is estimated near $250,000 yearly. That’s one-quarter of a million dollars each year spent to ensure that wherever something too faggy is going on, these assholes can be there to fuck with people. The point I’m trying to make is that these are not homeless men shouting Biblical verses at the top of their lungs on a street corner. They have money, they have resources, and, as such, they are a legitimate threat to common sense and decency worldwide.

Yes, Fred Phelps truly is a shithead. In fact, despite the name “Westboro Baptist Church,” they are not actually connected to any Baptist associations. Phelps claims to adhere to Primitive Baptist and Calvinist ideals, but mainstream Primitive Baptists (as though there were such a thing) have rejected the WBC whole-heartedly. Not even PRIMITIVE BAPTISTS will claim Phelps. Well, that’s too bad really, because the Primitive Baptists, Calvanists, and the rest of you religious folks out there can have the sonofabitch. We don’t want him. We’re glad he’s One of Yours!

J. Scott Neums

*This is not because the soldiers themselves were gay, at least openly, but rather because they fought and died for a country in which homosexuality is merely tolerated.

Still Grumbling

In her article “Chilean miracle, atheists stop grumbling,” Suzette Martinez Standring points to their faith in god as an important, if not overriding, factor in the survival of all 33 miners trapped some half-a-mile underground. She goes a step further in criticizing outspoken atheists upset that god, rather than the massive group of talented, dedicated scientists, professionals and volunteers, received too much credit for this “miracle.”

She writes:

They complain that engineers, psychologists and workers have set the bar in global cooperation and shared expertise, so why does God get all the credit? What about God¹s hand (or lack of one) in the Chilean earthquake that killed 500 people earlier this year?

No believer or non-believer can ever answer fully the questions of the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of God. But what has been documented is that the miners held their faith to be a life-saving factor when they were buried alive for 69 days, 2,300 feet under a desert after a mine collapse.

Alright, I’m going to stop her right there for a moment. First, we non-believers don’t have to answer fully the questions of “why” or “how” when it comes to god. We don’t have to answer them at all, in fact. We simply know its bullshit¹. Second, the fact that the miners held their own faith to be a life-saving factor is all fine and dandy, but this isn’t the point. Reasonable people are upset that crediting god, who clearly did not contribute in any (measurable, testable, concrete, real, etc) way, detracts from the brilliant and tireless efforts of the many human beings responsible for devising and coordinating this massive rescue, which seems logical to me.

She writes later:

Modern technology achieved success, yet to believe a higher hand doled out the gifts of intellect, ability and perfect timing on those connected with the rescue is not unreasonable. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive in this event. No doubt the men drew comfort from knowing the finest minds and the best machinery worked continuously on their behalf.

But it is also clear that faith played a significant part in their survival. At the request of the miners, Bibles measuring 3 inches by 5 inches were sent down along with magnifying glasses for easier reading. Each book was inscribed, “We are praying for your return.”

Again, I’ll interject. When you discard the notion of god itself as being “unreasonable” (which is the clearest result of weighing the evidence² at our disposal), it inherently makes the statement “…to believe a higher hand doled out the… is not unreasonable” unreasonable.

Standring may have a point in saying science and religion are not mutually exclusive in this event, but wouldn’t it be fun if we could make it so they were? For instance, if we could replicate this event twice over we could better control the variables of science and religion. In the first replication, we’ll allow for as much religiosity among the trapped, their loved ones, and the general public as possible, but will completely restrict the use of science. In the second, our poor victims and their rescuers will be atheists, completely occluded from God’s miraculous countenance, and there will be no prayers for their survival, but we will allow them the full gamut of scientific options. I don’t know about you, but I only wish I had the resources to make this happen—I so wanna know how things would work out!

Moving on, I quickly want to discuss the bibles the miners requested. I’d like to know, first of all, whether the requests for bibles came before or after the repeated requests for beer, wine, and cigarettes. Second, I wonder, if given the choice between bibles and the above-mentioned contraband items, how many of the 33 men would have chosen bibles? I can’t say for sure, of course, but I know what I would do. After all, nicotine addiction and the intoxicating effects of alcohol are very well documented and real, which is more than I can say for… well, you get the point.

Suzette moves on to discuss the images of miners emerging from their would-be tomb, more than two months of their lives elapsed, wearing t-shirts emblazoned with religious sentiments, and continues:

Chile is an overwhelmingly Christian (89% Roman Catholic) country. A high percentage of Americans also profess to be Christian. But, had the disaster occurred in the United States, would the miners have returned to the surface holding Bibles and wearing scripture-printed T-shirts (given the lawsuits and the controversy that dogs something as simple as singing “O, Holy Night” at a public school concert)?

Suzie, Suzie, Suzie… I don’t know what America you’re living in babe, but it’s not mine. I live in an America where, yes, probably at least some of the men would have emerged adorned with some sort of religious sentiment. (Particularly true given the backwoods-ass places we tend to mine coal in this country and the stupid, bible-thumping rednecks that tend to inhabit those areas). If the miners themselves weren’t repping the G-man, then certainly their family members and the inevitable crowd of hooters-and-hollerers would make up for that. The massive vigil that would undoubtedly have been erected at the site certainly would have had some crosses, at least, and probably a verse of scripture or two as well. The point, Suziekins, is that as a religious person in America today, you have no right to bitch.

I wish Ms. Martinez Standring were right, though. I wish we lived in a country where nobody would credit god for countless men and women’s hard work. Ideally the entire world could get on that page. By allowing ourselves to credit mystical forces for good outcomes, we not only do injustice to the true forces at work—in this case, thousands of people and tireless efforts—but we also lose sense of the beauty and importance of the world and our lives for their own sake, as they are, in the absence of god or any other supernatural myths.

Jeff Neuman

¹I’m well aware that this statement can be construed as representing a smug sense of superiority and, well, it does. But I’ve got reason on my side.

²For our religious readers out there, evidence is what we use to make judgments outside the realm of faith, which, of course, has no place in rational decision-making. In this case, I’m referring to the scientific.

7 Days

What better way for me to start off this fantastic space for clear and logical thought than with the creation of the whole goddamn place we've all come to know and love? Earth! What a concept, huh? I mean, obviously God only decided to pay extra-close attention to this world because of our incredibly important role as the divine species or maybe it was how building up a whole planet from nothing tires out the omnipotent. Either way, we should see just how all this life came to fruition. It's right there in the Bible if you care to know the answers to every question you've ever asked. Let's begin.

The First Day
"The first recorded Words of God that we have are "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3 NIV). The sun was already shining brightly, but God made the earth's thick new atmosphere allow diffuse light to penetrate to the surface. And so it was that the light was made separate from darkness. The first day of earth's creation was literally the first "day" as someone on earth's surface would experience it - a period of opaque light, and a period of darkness." (Genesis 1:3-5)

Hey, why not right? We've got this sun just hanging out, wasting it's light on nothing so let's direct it at an object. If for no other reason than so God can see what the hell he's creating. You might ask who God was talking to when he let loose that fantastic opening to any Universe, "Let there be light!" Well, we should all know by now that the religious are quite often known to speak to themselves in prayer or in meditation, whatever you may call it. This is a completely natural act and in no way constitutes delusion or insanity. If he had said, "I have done as you asked Satan, there is light.", God may have been hauled off to the asylum. Let's continue.

The Second Day
"The separation of the waters. There was yet no liquid water, no oceans. All of the water was in the form of a vapor, a worldwide super-fog, extending a number of kilometers/miles up from the very hot (above the boiling temperature of water) bare-rock earth's surface (the earth's core remains molten right to the present day). God's "hovering over the waters" in verse 2 describes His being above that gaseous-water atmosphere, not a liquid ocean. God then caused most of the water to condense onto the cooling earth which simultaneously formed a whole-planet ocean and cleared the sky." (Genesis 1:6-8)

You thirsty? Boom. Try some of this. It's called water and it's pretty fucking awesome. I'm just glad he decided to change it from its gaseous state to a liquid or else I'd be parched as hell. Also, who could deal with an entire ocean's worth of humidity in the air? Uncomfortable! Side-note: Did you notice the hint at something that may be a great place to put all the sinners? Talk about a clever deity. He must have been planning that one from the start. This has been quite a 9-5 for our diligent creator. Anyways, another day, another step closer to a kick-ass planet. Moving right along.

The Third Day
"The first appearance of dry ground. The further cooling of the surface set in motion a process of natural contraction, uplifting and motion of the crust (the process continues today, called "plate tectonics"). The earth changed from a smooth one-level molten "cue ball" to a planet with an irregular surface with ocean basins and continental landmasses. With dry ground available, the first plants were made to grow in great abundance." (Genesis 1:9-13)

I don't know if you've ever tried to walk on molten lava, but it's tricky. It's kind of like that weekend office team building retreat where you have to walk across hot coals. Our calloused feet is the reason a non-believer may call attention to this so-called impressive showing of will and belief. It's obvious to a follower of Christ that one's faith is what allows us to traverse the perils of the smoldering embers. Even God knew we wouldn't be able to walk on that lava so he decided to cool it all off in a day or so. He's just that good. Okay so we've got flora. Fauna has to be next, right?

The Fourth Day
"With the sky now clear, the sun, moon and stars were dependably visible. They were to "serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years." The sun marked the day (sunset to sunset), the moon the month (new moon to new moon), and the stars the seasons (constellations are seen in particular seasons e.g. "Orion" is visible in winter in the northern hemisphere, which is summer in the southern hemisphere)." (Genesis 1:14-19)

Well, damn. I was wrong. God was actually pretty lazy on the 4th day. He didn't really do much except maybe get things moving i.e. the Earth's rotation around the sun and the spin upon its own axis. It's like a shove, really. All day for this one effortless nudge? Whatever you say, Bible. As far as the stars shining, that's kind of a cause and effect. I'm not going to count that as an item to check off on his to-do list. Now let's get something down there to hang out in this place.

The Fifth Day
"Great numbers of birds and sea creatures. God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." (Genesis 1:20-23)

Alright! We've got some birds. Great. I assume he tossed in some sharks, whales, sea anemones, etc. We've got life, people! I don't know if I'd gloss over this the way the Bible does. You've gotta milk it and grab the readers by the throat. "Fucking great whites! Do you know how many teeth God had to make?!" That kind of thing. Maybe I'm just a better writer than the the all-powerful creator of the cosmos. But anyways, he got these animals sexin' and went back to sleep.

The Sixth Day
"Vast numbers of land animals. Man. From the man, woman (humans today are just now discovering how to genetically alter fertilized embryos, and even to create one human from the tissue of another - known as "cloning")." (Genesis 1:24-31)

Wait a second...is that..us? Hey! We made it! I was beginning to think He cared more about the lava and tectonic plates than He did those He created in his own image. He made a dude(Adam. Thank god he wasn't born addicted to crack or anything like that) He then snagged the rib out of that dude and made a chick(Eve). So there they are. Living it up in the Garden of Eden and everything's great and always would be. Right? I haven't read any further into the good book than that so I'm going on the assumption that nothing unwanted or undeserved would ever happen to our protagonists. Okay, that's pretty much everything. Land, air, sea, and animals. I'd say He earned this 7th day respite.

The Seventh Day
"The Sabbath Day. "By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested [orceased] from all the work of creating that He had done." The day that is the basis for The Fourth Commandment." (Genesis 2:2-3)

Keep holy the Sabbath. Understandable, right? Not really. This one's kind of a sneaky move on his part in that it creates the perfect excuse for everyone to forget about everything they had planned all week and stop to honor him for hours on end. Thanks for giving me all this God, but now you want me to give you back 1/7th of it? Not to mention all the time I have to spend sleeping, there goes another 1/3 of every day. Oh, and I'm almost constantly eating, going to the bathroom,shaving, clipping fingernails, etc. The way I see it, if you wanted us to spend all this time praising you, you shouldn't have given us all these stipulations for living. But I digress, 7 days, one crazy-ass week, and it's done. By the way, when you break it down into a lot of other equal periods of time it sounds less impressive. Less 'holy.' 1/52 of a year seems kind of arbitrary. 10,080 minutes? Why couldn't He have completed it in 10,079 minutes? I guess it was never a race so that's a point in His favor. But why spend any time on it at all? Why not complete it before He started it? And why tell us about the 7 days afterward? Not a very modest creator.

Genesis sets itself up for mockery. When you're trying to present the facts for an absolute, all-powerful deity, why give Him such slow, comically dwarfed abilities? Why is He restricted to the cycle of a day when we on Earth are the only ones that are affected by the Earth's spin away from the light of the sun? It seems if we were truly the reason all this was created, then all that there is would be completely available to us. There wouldn't be a majority of space that completely lacks the ability to sustain life. There wouldn't be planets without water or plant-life to provide oxygen. Also, a valid point is just how unlivable much of our own wondrous planet really is. Volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, earthquakes, freezing cold, intense heat, the majority of the planet submerged in water. For a world created with us clearly in mind, He apparently had no fucking idea what we needed to survive. This hardly seems to me to be someone or something worth devoting time of sheer admiration or wonder to. He did a rather poor job and should be treated as such.

The thing about this entire introduction to God/genesis/Christianity thing that really gets me is the simplicity of it all. It's so easy for a child to comprehend and then have a rapid, unscientific, understanding of the world around them. The truth of it is assumed. Once you know this, you have nowhere to go but further into Christian dogma and superstition. It's appeal is its absolute explanation for how things came to be and why we are here...but that lends not an ounce of credence to it. Evolution swiftly separates the placement of animals on the planet from the fiction it came from. They were not simply 'created' and immediately set upon their instinctual goal of eating, mating, and survival in general. Through the slow and non-sentient process of adaptation and natural selection they came to evolve to what animals we now see today. People seem to truly despise the thought of us coming from a primordial ooze as it were, but I much prefer that to the tribal and archaic postulations religion imposes upon us to this very day. What a fantastic thing it is that we are able to actually observe and comment upon the world around us. That we can shake loose the shackles of a way-of-life that enslaved so many before us and has no true purpose among civilized people of the 21st century.

The moral debate is obviously a great one, but even if the placement of Christian theology upon the masses drove them to be more generous, caring or loving (which is in no way proven and tends to be shown as quite the opposite) it does not lend an bit of truth to God's existence. I believe religion to be an oppressor of free-thought, an enemy of progression that the world would be far better off without. Moreover, I believe we must take religion off of it's pedestal and let our criticisms be heard. If you have doubt, let people know it. If we can expose a religious leader of hypocrisy and immorality or criminal behavior, we must do so. Time has and will continue to teach us of the wrongs committed by those who profess to know all the answers. Their piety does not provide them with any immunity or placement above any other. Remember to always use your critical and logical faculties and to never stop questioning things, especially those things which do not require evidence to exist.

Or maybe you can find solace in this?

"The question of whether the seven days of creation were literal days, or symbolic of stages of development is actually irrelevant to the undeniable reality that Creation happened. The observable universe, the earth beneath our feet, and every one of us exist. Who needs more proof than that?"

http://www.keyway.ca/htm2002/sevncrea.htm

I do.

David D.

"I am so made that I cannot believe"

Voice from Hell

We'll begin this blog with a small video I stumbled upon today. This video is a recording from an AM radio station owned by the Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Christian network from southern California. As we all know, Southern stock breeds so much potential for hilarity when it comes to utter idiocy, willful ignorance, and intolerance. Combine all these with a steadfast dedication to the belief in Heaven and Hell, and you've got enough intelligence and reason to go head to head with a retarded toddler who just walked out of Harry Potter because it was too scary.





Firstly, the article that the talk show host first refers to is the first account of the story of "discovering hell" I've been able to find. This broadcast happened in 1989, 5 years after Siberian drillers did reach 9 miles under the surface, only to discover gas pockets, and normal seismic activity at the calm temperature of 180 degrees (c).

Anyway, I digress. Just follow along kiddies and you'll see what the incredibly imaginative tabloid-religious crowd did to that scientific study. Just picture yourself sitting around a bonfire at bible camp.. The year is 1989, and one of the counselors just read the February issue of Scientific American and learned of the 9 mile deep hole and instead of telling the kids about the article, they instead decide to spook them...

A geological group who drilled a hole about 14.4 kilometers deep in the crust of the earth are saying that they heard human screams. Screams have been heard from the condemned souls from earth's deepest hole. Terrified scientists are afraid they have let loose the evil powers of hell up to the earth's surface.

“The information we are gathering is so surprising, that we are sincerely afraid of what we might find down there,” stated Mr. Azzacov, the manager of the project to drill a 14.4 kilometer hole; about 9 miles, in remote Siberia.The geologists were dumbfounded. After they had drilled several kilometers through the earth's crust, the drill bit suddenly began to rotate wildly. “There is only one explanation: that the deep center of the earth is hollow,” the surprised Azzacov explained.

The second surprise was the high temperature they discovered in the earth's center. “The calculations indicate the given temperature was about 1,100 degrees Celsius, or over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit,” Dr. Azzacov points out. “This is far more then we expected. It seems almost like an inferno of fire is brutally going on in the center of the earth.”

“The last discovery was nevertheless the most shocking to our ears, so much so that the scientists are afraid to continue the project. We tried to listen to the earth's movements at certain intervals with supersensitive microphones, which were let down through the hole. What we heard turned those logically thinking scientists into a trembling ruins. It was a sometimes a weak, but high pitched sound which we thought to be coming from our own equipment,” explained Dr. Azzacov. “But after some adjustments we comprehended that indeed the sound came from the earth's interior. We could hardly believe our own ears. We heard a human voice, screaming in pain. Even though one voice was discernible, we could hear thousands, perhaps millions, in the background, of suffering souls screaming. After this ghastly discovery, about half of the scientists quit because of fear. Hopefully, that which is down there will stay there,” Dr. Azzacov added.

Christian News: New Zealand

The good thing about bonfire stories is that the people around the fire know it's all a scary fiction. The scary difference here is that people around the world actually believed this bullshit. This article had been posted all over Christian networks, even landing on the World Wide News program in 1991.

Alright... first off, let me just say that this is a good one to start with because it is too god damn easy. However, it's intriguing because I really want to see a microphone that could withstand 1,110 degrees Celsius. Seriously, if somebody can show me one, please do! That would be a mighty work of science right there! I would also enjoy meeting the guy who paid for such a microphone and attached it to a nine mile long cable that contained a super-strong copper that doesn't melt at 1,083 degrees Celsius. Because whoever that guy might be, is a wizard of some sort and I would totally want him to imbue my copper belts with other super powers.

Realistically, silver would work, but 9 miles of silver audio cable running at the average $13 per meter means the buyer would be set back $187,200. That is a dedicated audiophile. Do you really think that the USSR had enough bones to spend almost one-fifth of a million dollars for a mic cable? It was Gorbachev for fuck's sake, not Bret Michaels.

Now, let's look at Hell at 9 miles deep. 9 miles into the earth is the deepest humans have been able to drill into the outer crust. But, 9 miles? Honestly, that's nothing. It's 3,975 miles to the center of the Earth, but Trinity Broadcasting claims that scientists found Hell 0.2% of the way to the middle... What the fuck else is happening along the other 99.8%? I hope at least somewhere along the way is a big party and the screams at 9 miles are just the people waiting in line to get in. I've been to New York, and trust me, watching a guy budge into a club before you because he sorta-kinda-butnotreally looks like Ben Affleck is fucking infuriating.

And to the fuckin' guy who put the words on screen at the end of the video... Are you fucking serious? If the fucking plane is going down, I'm going to put on the parachute because it stands to reason that it will slow my rate of descent by creating air drag. Not because I don't "believe" in gravity and need someone to save me. You're asking me to dedicate the rest of my life to Jesus and God or whatever because if I don't, I'm going to end up in a place recorded by a microphone that doesn't exist less than a half-marathon underneath my feet that sounds like a bunch of amusement park rides happening all at once... That would be like if I asked you to wear a tampon on your forehead for the rest of your life because if you don't there's going to be a big ol' shit-bucket that dances around you singing Marvin Gaye but with the background instrumentals of Rick Astley and you'll find yourself unable to escape the set of Sixteen Candles... forever.

Okay, I don't know why I was in an 80's kick there for a while, but the logic is flawlessly parallel.

Anyway, that does it for my first post, I hope you kiddies liked it. The actual, yet semi-obvious debunking of the Sounds of Hell claim is below.

Oh and P.S. to the video guy again, you're totally fucking wrong. In the future it will be easier than clicking a link, I'm sure you televangelists and web-fund raisers will find a much easier method of pulling cash from suckers. I bet I won't even have to physically exert myself to click a mouse, I'll just think you're full of shit and all of a sudden I'll be viewing your dick-cheese of a website or TV show wondering which one of you fuckers will be the next to get caught with Methamphetamine and gay prostitutes. Way to stick to your guns, televan's...


Rich Buhler did a great job of researching the full details of what happened, his blog can be found here: Truth or Fiction

Reason, Logic, Science, Humor.

-Ryan

Welcome to Positively Harmful

This blog is a mere attempt to be amused by and debunk fraudulent claims of the religious. What you will find here are no philosophical theories or long scientific arguments outlining the almost certainly true proofs of God's non-existence. Instead, this blog is intended to be a humorous approach to viewing religious claims from the perspective of reason and logic. We will do so in a manner as cynical, unrelenting and as merciless as the religious do, but we'll do it in a funny way... not a "we're going to kill you if you prefer dudes" kind of way. While the issues addressed may be of the utmost importance to human will, fate, morality, ethic, and spirituality, there are other authors better suited to seriously tackle these questions. In our opinion, atheists are often too serious and use elaborate, detailed philosophical inferences to make a point that could be made with a simple joke. Here at Positively Harmful, that's precisely what we intend to do; show religion as the simple joke that it really is.

Thanks, we hope you enjoy.

-Ryan