Firstly, the article that the talk show host first refers to is the first account of the story of "discovering hell" I've been able to find. This broadcast happened in 1989, 5 years after Siberian drillers did reach 9 miles under the surface, only to discover gas pockets, and normal seismic activity at the calm temperature of 180 degrees (c).
Anyway, I digress. Just follow along kiddies and you'll see what the incredibly imaginative tabloid-religious crowd did to that scientific study. Just picture yourself sitting around a bonfire at bible camp.. The year is 1989, and one of the counselors just read the February issue of Scientific American and learned of the 9 mile deep hole and instead of telling the kids about the article, they instead decide to spook them...
“The information we are gathering is so surprising, that we are sincerely afraid of what we might find down there,” stated Mr. Azzacov, the manager of the project to drill a 14.4 kilometer hole; about 9 miles, in remote Siberia.The geologists were dumbfounded. After they had drilled several kilometers through the earth's crust, the drill bit suddenly began to rotate wildly. “There is only one explanation: that the deep center of the earth is hollow,” the surprised Azzacov explained.
The second surprise was the high temperature they discovered in the earth's center. “The calculations indicate the given temperature was about 1,100 degrees Celsius, or over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit,” Dr. Azzacov points out. “This is far more then we expected. It seems almost like an inferno of fire is brutally going on in the center of the earth.”
“The last discovery was nevertheless the most shocking to our ears, so much so that the scientists are afraid to continue the project. We tried to listen to the earth's movements at certain intervals with supersensitive microphones, which were let down through the hole. What we heard turned those logically thinking scientists into a trembling ruins. It was a sometimes a weak, but high pitched sound which we thought to be coming from our own equipment,” explained Dr. Azzacov. “But after some adjustments we comprehended that indeed the sound came from the earth's interior. We could hardly believe our own ears. We heard a human voice, screaming in pain. Even though one voice was discernible, we could hear thousands, perhaps millions, in the background, of suffering souls screaming. After this ghastly discovery, about half of the scientists quit because of fear. Hopefully, that which is down there will stay there,” Dr. Azzacov added.
The good thing about bonfire stories is that the people around the fire know it's all a scary fiction. The scary difference here is that people around the world actually believed this bullshit. This article had been posted all over Christian networks, even landing on the World Wide News program in 1991.Alright... first off, let me just say that this is a good one to start with because it is too god damn easy. However, it's intriguing because I really want to see a microphone that could withstand 1,110 degrees Celsius. Seriously, if somebody can show me one, please do! That would be a mighty work of science right there! I would also enjoy meeting the guy who paid for such a microphone and attached it to a nine mile long cable that contained a super-strong copper that doesn't melt at 1,083 degrees Celsius. Because whoever that guy might be, is a wizard of some sort and I would totally want him to imbue my copper belts with other super powers.
Realistically, silver would work, but 9 miles of silver audio cable running at the average $13 per meter means the buyer would be set back $187,200. That is a dedicated audiophile. Do you really think that the USSR had enough bones to spend almost one-fifth of a million dollars for a mic cable? It was Gorbachev for fuck's sake, not Bret Michaels.
Now, let's look at Hell at 9 miles deep. 9 miles into the earth is the deepest humans have been able to drill into the outer crust. But, 9 miles? Honestly, that's nothing. It's 3,975 miles to the center of the Earth, but Trinity Broadcasting claims that scientists found Hell 0.2% of the way to the middle... What the fuck else is happening along the other 99.8%? I hope at least somewhere along the way is a big party and the screams at 9 miles are just the people waiting in line to get in. I've been to New York, and trust me, watching a guy budge into a club before you because he sorta-kinda-butnotreally looks like Ben Affleck is fucking infuriating.
And to the fuckin' guy who put the words on screen at the end of the video... Are you fucking serious? If the fucking plane is going down, I'm going to put on the parachute because it stands to reason that it will slow my rate of descent by creating air drag. Not because I don't "believe" in gravity and need someone to save me. You're asking me to dedicate the rest of my life to Jesus and God or whatever because if I don't, I'm going to end up in a place recorded by a microphone that doesn't exist less than a half-marathon underneath my feet that sounds like a bunch of amusement park rides happening all at once... That would be like if I asked you to wear a tampon on your forehead for the rest of your life because if you don't there's going to be a big ol' shit-bucket that dances around you singing Marvin Gaye but with the background instrumentals of Rick Astley and you'll find yourself unable to escape the set of Sixteen Candles... forever.
Okay, I don't know why I was in an 80's kick there for a while, but the logic is flawlessly parallel.
Anyway, that does it for my first post, I hope you kiddies liked it. The actual, yet semi-obvious debunking of the Sounds of Hell claim is below.
Oh and P.S. to the video guy again, you're totally fucking wrong. In the future it will be easier than clicking a link, I'm sure you televangelists and web-fund raisers will find a much easier method of pulling cash from suckers. I bet I won't even have to physically exert myself to click a mouse, I'll just think you're full of shit and all of a sudden I'll be viewing your dick-cheese of a website or TV show wondering which one of you fuckers will be the next to get caught with Methamphetamine and gay prostitutes. Way to stick to your guns, televan's...
Rich Buhler did a great job of researching the full details of what happened, his blog can be found here: Truth or Fiction
Reason, Logic, Science, Humor.
-Ryan
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