Another One of Yours!

Continuing our evisceration of religious fundamentalists, hypocritical douchebags and the holiest of whack-jobs that we began with Fred Phelps, we will now move on to another equally deplorable human being(a term I use loosely as 'humanity' isn't a characteristic he possesses). His name is Pat Robertson, and much like Phelps, his religious propaganda and homophobia have spread like wildfire and prospered for reasons beyond my comprehension. His main occupation is that of televangelism but I'm almost positive he spends the majority of his free time verbally abusing puppies. Really adorable puppies at that. If you are unfamiliar with Pat Robertson, let me offer you this brief video as a means of introduction to a very disturbing individual.

This guy gives obscenely rich, old, white men a bad name.

Pat has been going strong on the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) for nearly half a century, mainly on the channel's primary show 'The 700 Club,' providing his delusional interpretations of all things holy, political or whatever may have just happened to set him off on say, the ludicrous notion that earthquakes were caused by whatever country's people decided to not profess loyalty to his faith (I'll touch on this again in a second.) Here's a few choice selections of the vast ocean of ridiculous quotes Robertson has let fall from his lips.

"Well, you know, Thomas Jefferson, who was the author of the Declaration of Independence said he wouldn't have any atheists in his cabinet because atheists wouldn't swear an oath to God. That was Jefferson and we have never had any Muslims in the cabinet."

"Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many were homosexuals - the two things seem to go together."

"I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss."

"My personal feeling is that oral sex is against nature."

My personal feeling! Very scientific of you, Pat. There are countless more, but you can find these all over the internet. It's actually incredibly reassuring that so much negative activity surrounds Robertson's name at all times, but he still holds strong onto a massive audience. Generally, these quotes are found between Bible verses or messages of God's love and compassion. The hypocrisy of it is absolutely mind-boggling. If you have fallen prey to superstitious nonsense that will probably eventually suffer the same fate as Greek or Roman mythologies, Pat welcomes you with open arms. If you are a rational person that chooses not to hate someone based on sexual orientation then you shall be consumed by fire for eons(and then some.)

TANGENT! Isn't the entire idea of an eternity in hell completely ridiculous? I mean, I honestly feel that absolutely nothing within a living person's capabilities could warrant such a punishment. Even if you were to murder, in cold blood, every person alive an eternity would still make no sense. A human being's lifespan as of now of around 80-90 years has no right being matched up with forever. It literally has no end. While roasting in Hell, you have no ability to change your situation, no ability or reason to repent, and no way to even communicate with your would've-been savior. The great part is, you don't even have to commit genocide for this to happen. You could just steal a book from Barnes & Noble and then find yourself sitting in a lake of fire. Isn't that just the scariest thing you can imagine! Man, I sure hope that doesn't happen to me for writing this fucking blog! Eternal damnation is as clumsily constructed a method of fear-control that can possibly be manifested by religion. It's idiotic. Now, back to this other idiot.

One thing most people have seen or heard of Pat Robertson mentioning is that of the victims of the earthquake in Haiti having made a "pact with the devil" and bringing God's wrath upon themselves via this curse upon them. Here's a small part of what he said on that broadcast.

“They were under the heel of the French, uh, you know Napoleon the 3rd and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so the Devil said, 'Okay, it's a deal.' And, uh, they kicked the French out, you know, with Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by, by one thing after another, desperately poor."

Now, on this fun subject, it's important not to bring fallacy into the issue by stating he believed they 'deserved' this. The significant detail is that he believes this actually played a role in the earthquake that devastated the lives of well over 3 million people. A legend, that many historical scholars look at with an incredibly skeptical eye, of slaves invoking Satan's assistance to free them from their captors in 1791, somehow had God so furious he finally decided to do something about it 220 years later. If I was religious, it would seem to be in my favor to link the earthquake to tectonics, rather than that of this unpunctual deity that doles out vengeance to those simply related to the obviously poorly educated slaves from centuries prior. I've never been much of a fan of being grouped together with crimes my ancestors may or may not have committed and I'm even less of a fan of being swallowed up by the earth as a penalty for them. Natural disasters occur. They can be horrific and they can unleash more power than all the armies of the world combined, but they are not premeditated. To presume so is to be completely dismissive of the natural sciences and it is one of the most peculiar cases of 'wish-thinking' that I can imagine.

Every year or so, Pat has a new prediction about a terrorist attack or mini-Armageddon that will be unleashed upon us all due to our tolerance of homosexuality, abortion etc. He generally works in reverse by seeing a situation and blaming it upon something he doesn't like or understand, much in the same way Hurricane Katrina's cause was discovered. (You guessed it. Sin.) It isn't difficult to do, but it is pretty low to say such absurdly unjustified statements in the immediate wake of a worldwide or national tragedy.

Religion and Christianity aren't ideas to a man like this. To Pat Robertson, and an unsettlingly large group of people, God is already proven, we already know everything there is need to know, and you're already 100% wrong for thinking otherwise. Is he one of yours? He certainly isn't one of mine.

David D.

The Trojan War

You may or may not have heard recently of the surprising decree by Pope Benedict XVI that condoms may now, at long last, be used in some cases where it may help reduce the risk and thereby prevent the spread of AIDS and/or other equally devastating sexually transmitted diseases (last time I checked that was all cases.) In the Pope's infallibly informative new book, "Light of the World: The Pope, The Church, and the Sign of the Times," he goes so far as to explicitly state that the use of a condom by a homosexual prostitute (gender is a non-issue) is hunky-dory, minus all the sin. Now, this is quite an admittance by the Catholic church and I do commend them for finally recognizing the fact that, if precautions are taken, the spread of these fatal diseases can be limited. It has been the chorus call of the Vatican for decades that condoms have no impact upon the spread of STDs and that they could not contain the epidemic occurring in Africa, and throughout the world. For those of you clinging your Bibles, afraid that the Catholics have stripped down their traditions of sexual suppression and dived into a world of sin and hedonism prior to wedlock, it is very important to make note of their nearly unchanging opposition to contraception in any form and maintain that sex is purely a means of procreation.

They were wrong about this one so were all the previous proclamations of total condemnation of any form of birth control wrong as well? After all, these people claim to be speaking as a conduit for the almighty. A flaw as glaring as this one makes me far less than hesitant to call them out for many of the other ways they say life should be led. As an organization that receives myriad tax breaks and a never-ending stream of income through their humble and worldwide congregation, they in turn offer to us a means of salvation and a window to the truth of life, death and what lies beyond. Whenever someone offers something as high-reaching as they do, an equally lofty amount of skepticism should meet it. After knowing, not merely thinking, but knowing that condoms were wrong in every sexual application, they can simply now say things are different and a slight miscalculation was made. Tiny mistake, you know? Minuscule like the deaths of 2 million+ people per year. Nothing of much importance that they had unabashedly declared a sin for which an eternity in hell would be sufficient punishment. Hatred behind the guise of love can can accomplish quite a lot. A person is more than free to change their stance or idea on anything they say or believe when new evidence or understanding is brought to their attention, but isnt it suspicious when that person claimed divine authority the first time around? Does this not subject all ideals of Catholicism to the same scrutiny as is finally being applied to condom-use?

My main thoughts on this amendment to what is and is not acceptable in both yours and my own life is how many people were directly and indirectly impacted by barring the distribution and use of latex condoms in heavily diseased countries that desperately could have benefited from their presence. These holy decisions flew in the face of medical science on the Vatican's 'well-thought-out' grounds of their sole use being to allow people to fornicate for pleasure and without obligation as opposed to family-oriented sexual-intercourse. Religion's battle with the hardwiring of our sexual and primal impulses rages on, unfortunately the most passionate ones may also be on the side having the most boring sex imaginable.

David D.

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

Bob Rubin

Good sans God

In an editorial published recently at boston.com, columnist Jeff Jacoby shares his philosophy that God is a necessary component of human goodness. He cites historical examples to push his point that human beings cannot, without the word of God, know what is truly right or wrong. His editorial is a response to announcements that atheist groups in America are spending money to promote their non-belief around the holidays. In 2008, the message was "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake." This year, after expanding to TV and other media, the ads are going further, depicting the long-existing links between religion and violence.

Jacoby's stance, though ignorant, represents a pretty typical Christian-American viewpoint. These weak-minded people remove themselves from the responsibility of formulating their own moral identity. Jacoby writes:

For in a world without God, there is no obvious difference between good and evil. There is no way to prove that murder is wrong if there is no Creator who decrees “Thou shalt not murder.’’ It certainly cannot be proved wrong by reason alone. One might reason instead — as Lenin and Stalin and Mao reasoned — that there is nothing wrong with murdering human beings by the millions if doing so advances the Marxist cause. Or one might reason from observing nature that the way of the world is for the strong to devour the weak — or that natural selection favors the survival of the fittest by any means necessary, including the killing of the less fit.

I take grave offense to this statement as well as to the viewpoint it represents. Rather than rebut Mr. Jacoby myself, I'll let you read what Christopher Hitchens has to say on the subject.

I think our knowledge of right and wrong is innate in us. Religion gets its morality from humans. We know that we can't get along if we permit perjury, theft, murder, rape, all societies at all times, well before the advent of monarchies and certainly, have forbidden it...Socrates called his daemon, it was an inner voice that stopped him when he was trying to take advantage of someone... Why don't we just assume that we do have some internal compass?

Hitchens, of course, is a leading authority and spokesperson on the subject of atheism. Along withThe God Delusion author Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens is one of the most recognizable and outspoken anti-theists. He speaks worldwide and is known for having a standing offer to debate any religious authority who would care to challenge him of the subject of religion. Needless to say, he is smarter than Jeff Jacoby.

The reason I take such particular offense to this form of human subjugation to the idea of god is simple: I resent the notion that we could possibly need the "word of God" to make moral decisions. First, this idea robs humans of a precious distinction within the animal kingdom. It takes away one of our primary attributes, moral consideration. Second, this kind of thinking is patently and decidedly incorrect. Because human beings themselves invented the notion of God, a god, or many gods (depending on the time and place), they themselves are the originators and propagators of all morality, even the supposedly "divine." Third, by allowing ourselves to defer these decisions and considerations to invented deities, we dangerously transfer the responsibility and accountability of our actions to a fictitious source.

Not every human, be they atheist, Catholic, Muslim, agnostic, or of any other belief, is "good," and there may be no universal standard for what that very ubiquitous-but-vague term means. The most important thing to keep in mind though is that we MUST take responsibility for our individual senses of right and wrong. We all do this in different ways, and this is just fine--so long as it comes from inside yourself rather than the inapt, dusty pages of antiquity.

One of Yours!

Positively Harmful is extremely pleased to introduce our first serial column, “One of Yours!,” in which we’ll highlight a different religious person—and their absurd or disturbing behavior—each week. Our purpose, as always, will be the shedding of light upon ludicrous, supposedly “pious” persons and practices with keen wit and unyielding mockery. Our basis for selection is simple: we’re stoked that, as atheists, we have absolutely no association with these people, be they standard quacks, truly evil hatemongers, or simply religious assholes.

What better way to kick things off, then, than by spotlighting the man who may very well represent the highest embodiment of quack, hatemonger, AND asshole. I’m speaking of no other than Westboro Baptist Church founder and noted anti-gay protester Fred Phelps. Phelps has seen his share of notoriety regarding his extreme views and the inflammatory nature of his protests and, as such, I’m sure many of you are familiar, at least vaguely, with this first-rate cunt.

The images of men, women, and children holding signs bearing “God Hates Fags,” “God Hates Fag Enablers,” “God Hates America,” and “God Hates Your Tears,” the last of which referring to tears shed by mourners at funerals of fallen U.S. servicemen*, provide more than ample support for our inclusion of Phelps.

But that’s not all, folks! The WBC’s primary website, godhatesfags.com (which I would refrain from visiting as not to generate additional hits for Phelps’ site), contains a rolling count of the number of human beings god has “cast into hell” since you loaded the page (approximately 2 per second). In more fun with numbers, godhatesfags.com also provides the enlightening statistics that god has killed 5780 American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, poured some 220 million gallons of oil in the Gulf, and, my personal favorite, killed 16,000,000,000 people in the “Flood.” No, I’m not drunk, I meant to type nine zeros. That’s because, according to this scholarly source, sixteen billion people were killed in god’s great flood (contrasted with eight survivors, a number the site also wants us to keep in mind). Fuck sake! I didn’t even think we had that many people now. Shows what I know I guess.

Lest you think Phelps only hates the GLBTA crowd, try this quote on for size.

Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s–40s Nazi Holocaust had, (probably minuscule, compared to the Jewish Holocausts against Middle Passage Blacks, African Americans and Christians—including the bloody persecution of Westboro Baptist Church by Topeka Jews in the 1990s), has been drowned in sodomite semen. American taxpayers are financing this unholy monument to Jewish mendacity and greed and to filthy fag lust. Homosexuals and Jews dominated Nazi Germany ... The Jews now wander the earth despised, smitten with moral and spiritual blindness by a divine judicial stroke ... And God has smitten Jews with a certain unique madness ... Jews, thus perverted, out of all proportion to their numbers energize the militant sodomite agenda... Jews are the real Nazis.

Fuck you very much, Mr. Phelps. I’m quite sure whatever “bloody persecution,” to say nothing of its probably being quite justified, the WBC endured at the hands of Topeka Jews, does not register in the cosmic justice balancing equation against the FUCKING HOLOCAUST, you giant douche!

Even in defending himself, Phelps is an asshole.

We don't believe in physical violence of any kind, and the Scripture doesn't support racism. ... The only true Nazis in this world are fags.

But wait just a second there, Fred. You ended that other ignorant, hateful comment with “Jews are the real Nazis,” but you close this one by saying “The only true Nazis in this world are fags.” Well, which is it? Who ARE the Nazis? Jews or fags, Jews or fags… The world is dying to know!

It doesn’t really matter, of course, because to Phelps and his brainwashed band of ill-bred followers, we’re ALL fags, we’re ALL Nazis, and we’re ALL fucked. Now, it may seem easy enough to dismiss this man, his cohorts, and their relentless picketing as harmless spectacle. After all, the counter-protests they attract are generally larger, often by several times, than their own efforts. As I see it, there are two key reasons we, as rational men and women, cannot allow ourselves the luxury of dismissing the WBC.

First, though the adult followers of Phelps (a large portion of whom are in some way related to Phelps himself, go figure) may be lost causes, the many children dragged to these events and instructed to bear signs, the implications of which they assuredly do not fully comprehend, do not have to be. This type of mental abuse, of conditioning and brainwashing, though used in some fashion by most if not all major religions, is particularly insidious in the case of the God Hates Fags agenda. Without consequences for Phelps, and the WBC as a whole, these innocents will again and again be subjected to the unbridled fusion of hatred and idiocy. Every malleable mind lost to this kind of scum is a loss for humanity.

The second key rationale for taking Phelps seriously is this: Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church’s travel budget for picketing alone is estimated near $250,000 yearly. That’s one-quarter of a million dollars each year spent to ensure that wherever something too faggy is going on, these assholes can be there to fuck with people. The point I’m trying to make is that these are not homeless men shouting Biblical verses at the top of their lungs on a street corner. They have money, they have resources, and, as such, they are a legitimate threat to common sense and decency worldwide.

Yes, Fred Phelps truly is a shithead. In fact, despite the name “Westboro Baptist Church,” they are not actually connected to any Baptist associations. Phelps claims to adhere to Primitive Baptist and Calvinist ideals, but mainstream Primitive Baptists (as though there were such a thing) have rejected the WBC whole-heartedly. Not even PRIMITIVE BAPTISTS will claim Phelps. Well, that’s too bad really, because the Primitive Baptists, Calvanists, and the rest of you religious folks out there can have the sonofabitch. We don’t want him. We’re glad he’s One of Yours!

J. Scott Neums

*This is not because the soldiers themselves were gay, at least openly, but rather because they fought and died for a country in which homosexuality is merely tolerated.