Can he say that on here? Of course I can, especially since it happens to be so fucking true. In what I can safely say is the most infuriating piece of news to come out of Washington in some time, Michele Bachmann and her buddies on the Congressional Prayer Caucas--the very existence of which utterly appalls me--recently wrote a letter to President Obama criticizing him for the sparsity of the words "God" or "Creator" in his public addresses.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Michele Bachmann is a useless fucking cunt
Can he say that on here? Of course I can, especially since it happens to be so fucking true. In what I can safely say is the most infuriating piece of news to come out of Washington in some time, Michele Bachmann and her buddies on the Congressional Prayer Caucas--the very existence of which utterly appalls me--recently wrote a letter to President Obama criticizing him for the sparsity of the words "God" or "Creator" in his public addresses.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Another One of Yours!
“They were under the heel of the French, uh, you know Napoleon the 3rd and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so the Devil said, 'Okay, it's a deal.' And, uh, they kicked the French out, you know, with Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by, by one thing after another, desperately poor."
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The Trojan War
Monday, November 15, 2010
Good sans God
Monday, November 1, 2010
One of Yours!
Positively Harmful is extremely pleased to introduce our first serial column, “One of Yours!,” in which we’ll highlight a different religious person—and their absurd or disturbing behavior—each week. Our purpose, as always, will be the shedding of light upon ludicrous, supposedly “pious” persons and practices with keen wit and unyielding mockery. Our basis for selection is simple: we’re stoked that, as atheists, we have absolutely no association with these people, be they standard quacks, truly evil hatemongers, or simply religious assholes.
What better way to kick things off, then, than by spotlighting the man who may very well represent the highest embodiment of quack, hatemonger, AND asshole. I’m speaking of no other than Westboro Baptist Church founder and noted anti-gay protester Fred Phelps. Phelps has seen his share of notoriety regarding his extreme views and the inflammatory nature of his protests and, as such, I’m sure many of you are familiar, at least vaguely, with this first-rate cunt.
The images of men, women, and children holding signs bearing “God Hates Fags,” “God Hates Fag Enablers,” “God Hates America,” and “God Hates Your Tears,” the last of which referring to tears shed by mourners at funerals of fallen U.S. servicemen*, provide more than ample support for our inclusion of Phelps.
But that’s not all, folks! The WBC’s primary website, godhatesfags.com (which I would refrain from visiting as not to generate additional hits for Phelps’ site), contains a rolling count of the number of human beings god has “cast into hell” since you loaded the page (approximately 2 per second). In more fun with numbers, godhatesfags.com also provides the enlightening statistics that god has killed 5780 American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, poured some 220 million gallons of oil in the Gulf, and, my personal favorite, killed 16,000,000,000 people in the “Flood.” No, I’m not drunk, I meant to type nine zeros. That’s because, according to this scholarly source, sixteen billion people were killed in god’s great flood (contrasted with eight survivors, a number the site also wants us to keep in mind). Fuck sake! I didn’t even think we had that many people now. Shows what I know I guess.
Lest you think Phelps only hates the GLBTA crowd, try this quote on for size.
Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s–40s Nazi Holocaust had, (probably minuscule, compared to the Jewish Holocausts against Middle Passage Blacks, African Americans and Christians—including the bloody persecution of Westboro Baptist Church by Topeka Jews in the 1990s), has been drowned in sodomite semen. American taxpayers are financing this unholy monument to Jewish mendacity and greed and to filthy fag lust. Homosexuals and Jews dominated Nazi Germany ... The Jews now wander the earth despised, smitten with moral and spiritual blindness by a divine judicial stroke ... And God has smitten Jews with a certain unique madness ... Jews, thus perverted, out of all proportion to their numbers energize the militant sodomite agenda... Jews are the real Nazis.
Fuck you very much, Mr. Phelps. I’m quite sure whatever “bloody persecution,” to say nothing of its probably being quite justified, the WBC endured at the hands of Topeka Jews, does not register in the cosmic justice balancing equation against the FUCKING HOLOCAUST, you giant douche!
Even in defending himself, Phelps is an asshole.
We don't believe in physical violence of any kind, and the Scripture doesn't support racism. ... The only true Nazis in this world are fags.
But wait just a second there, Fred. You ended that other ignorant, hateful comment with “Jews are the real Nazis,” but you close this one by saying “The only true Nazis in this world are fags.” Well, which is it? Who ARE the Nazis? Jews or fags, Jews or fags… The world is dying to know!
It doesn’t really matter, of course, because to Phelps and his brainwashed band of ill-bred followers, we’re ALL fags, we’re ALL Nazis, and we’re ALL fucked. Now, it may seem easy enough to dismiss this man, his cohorts, and their relentless picketing as harmless spectacle. After all, the counter-protests they attract are generally larger, often by several times, than their own efforts. As I see it, there are two key reasons we, as rational men and women, cannot allow ourselves the luxury of dismissing the WBC.
First, though the adult followers of Phelps (a large portion of whom are in some way related to Phelps himself, go figure) may be lost causes, the many children dragged to these events and instructed to bear signs, the implications of which they assuredly do not fully comprehend, do not have to be. This type of mental abuse, of conditioning and brainwashing, though used in some fashion by most if not all major religions, is particularly insidious in the case of the God Hates Fags agenda. Without consequences for Phelps, and the WBC as a whole, these innocents will again and again be subjected to the unbridled fusion of hatred and idiocy. Every malleable mind lost to this kind of scum is a loss for humanity.
The second key rationale for taking Phelps seriously is this: Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church’s travel budget for picketing alone is estimated near $250,000 yearly. That’s one-quarter of a million dollars each year spent to ensure that wherever something too faggy is going on, these assholes can be there to fuck with people. The point I’m trying to make is that these are not homeless men shouting Biblical verses at the top of their lungs on a street corner. They have money, they have resources, and, as such, they are a legitimate threat to common sense and decency worldwide.
Yes, Fred Phelps truly is a shithead. In fact, despite the name “Westboro Baptist Church,” they are not actually connected to any Baptist associations. Phelps claims to adhere to Primitive Baptist and Calvinist ideals, but mainstream Primitive Baptists (as though there were such a thing) have rejected the WBC whole-heartedly. Not even PRIMITIVE BAPTISTS will claim Phelps. Well, that’s too bad really, because the Primitive Baptists, Calvanists, and the rest of you religious folks out there can have the sonofabitch. We don’t want him. We’re glad he’s One of Yours!
J. Scott Neums
*This is not because the soldiers themselves were gay, at least openly, but rather because they fought and died for a country in which homosexuality is merely tolerated.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Still Grumbling
In her article “Chilean miracle, atheists stop grumbling,” Suzette Martinez Standring points to their faith in god as an important, if not overriding, factor in the survival of all 33 miners trapped some half-a-mile underground. She goes a step further in criticizing outspoken atheists upset that god, rather than the massive group of talented, dedicated scientists, professionals and volunteers, received too much credit for this “miracle.”
She writes:
They complain that engineers, psychologists and workers have set the bar in global cooperation and shared expertise, so why does God get all the credit? What about God¹s hand (or lack of one) in the Chilean earthquake that killed 500 people earlier this year?
No believer or non-believer can ever answer fully the questions of the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of God. But what has been documented is that the miners held their faith to be a life-saving factor when they were buried alive for 69 days, 2,300 feet under a desert after a mine collapse.
Alright, I’m going to stop her right there for a moment. First, we non-believers don’t have to answer fully the questions of “why” or “how” when it comes to god. We don’t have to answer them at all, in fact. We simply know its bullshit1. Second, the fact that the miners held their own faith to be a life-saving factor is all fine and dandy, but this isn’t the point. Reasonable people are upset that crediting god, who clearly did not contribute in any (measurable, testable, concrete, real, etc) way, detracts from the brilliant and tireless efforts of the many human beings responsible for devising and coordinating this massive rescue, which seems logical to me.
She writes later:
Modern technology achieved success, yet to believe a higher hand doled out the gifts of intellect, ability and perfect timing on those connected with the rescue is not unreasonable. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive in this event. No doubt the men drew comfort from knowing the finest minds and the best machinery worked continuously on their behalf.
But it is also clear that faith played a significant part in their survival. At the request of the miners, Bibles measuring 3 inches by 5 inches were sent down along with magnifying glasses for easier reading. Each book was inscribed, “We are praying for your return.”
Again, I’ll interject. When you discard the notion of god itself as being “unreasonable” (which is the clearest result of weighing the evidence2 at our disposal), it inherently makes the statement “…to believe a higher hand doled out the… is not unreasonable” unreasonable.
Standring may have a point in saying science and religion are not mutually exclusive in this event, but wouldn’t it be fun if we could make it so they were? For instance, if we could replicate this event twice over we could better control the variables of science and religion. In the first replication, we’ll allow for as much religiosity among the trapped, their loved ones, and the general public as possible, but will completely restrict the use of science. In the second, our poor victims and their rescuers will be atheists, completely occluded from God’s miraculous countenance, and there will be no prayers for their survival, but we will allow them the full gamut of scientific options. I don’t know about you, but I only wish I had the resources to make this happen—I so wanna know how things would work out!
Moving on, I quickly want to discuss the bibles the miners requested. I’d like to know, first of all, whether the requests for bibles came before or after the repeated requests for beer, wine, and cigarettes. Second, I wonder, if given the choice between bibles and the above-mentioned contraband items, how many of the 33 men would have chosen bibles? I can’t say for sure, of course, but I know what I would do. After all, nicotine addiction and the intoxicating effects of alcohol are very well documented and real, which is more than I can say for… well, you get the point.
Suzette moves on to discuss the images of miners emerging from their would-be tomb, more than two months of their lives elapsed, wearing t-shirts emblazoned with religious sentiments, and continues:
Chile is an overwhelmingly Christian (89% Roman Catholic) country. A high percentage of Americans also profess to be Christian. But, had the disaster occurred in the United States, would the miners have returned to the surface holding Bibles and wearing scripture-printed T-shirts (given the lawsuits and the controversy that dogs something as simple as singing “O, Holy Night” at a public school concert)?
Suzie, Suzie, Suzie… I don’t know what America you’re living in babe, but it’s not mine. I live in an America where, yes, probably at least some of the men would have emerged adorned with some sort of religious sentiment. (Particularly true given the backwoods-ass places we tend to mine coal in this country and the stupid, bible-thumping rednecks that tend to inhabit those areas). If the miners themselves weren’t repping the G-man, then certainly their family members and the inevitable crowd of hooters-and-hollerers would make up for that. The massive vigil that would undoubtedly have been erected at the site certainly would have had some crosses, at least, and probably a verse of scripture or two as well. The point, Suziekins, is that as a religious person in America today, you have no right to bitch.
I wish Ms. Martinez Standring were right, though. I wish we lived in a country where nobody would credit god for countless men and women’s hard work. Ideally the entire world could get on that page. By allowing ourselves to credit mystical forces for good outcomes, we not only do injustice to the true forces at work—in this case, thousands of people and tireless efforts—but we also lose sense of the beauty and importance of the world and our lives for their own sake, as they are, in the absence of god or any other supernatural myths.
1I’m well aware that this statement can be construed as representing a smug sense of superiority and, well, it does. But I’ve got reason on my side.
2For our religious readers out there, evidence is what we use to make judgments outside the realm of faith, which, of course, has no place in rational decision-making. In this case, I’m referring to the scientific.
Monday, October 18, 2010
7 Days
What better way for me to start off this fantastic space for clear and logical thought than with the creation of the whole goddamn place we've all come to know and love? Earth! What a concept, huh? I mean, obviously God only decided to pay extra-close attention to this world because of our incredibly important role as the divine species or maybe it was how building up a whole planet from nothing tires out the omnipotent. Either way, we should see just how all this life came to fruition. It's right there in the Bible if you care to know the answers to every question you've ever asked. Let's begin.
The First Day
"The first recorded Words of God that we have are "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3 NIV). The sun was already shining brightly, but God made the earth's thick new atmosphere allow diffuse light to penetrate to the surface. And so it was that the light was made separate from darkness. The first day of earth's creation was literally the first "day" as someone on earth's surface would experience it - a period of opaque light, and a period of darkness." (Genesis 1:3-5)
Hey, why not right? We've got this sun just hanging out, wasting it's light on nothing so let's direct it at an object. If for no other reason than so God can see what the hell he's creating. You might ask who God was talking to when he let loose that fantastic opening to any Universe, "Let there be light!" Well, we should all know by now that the religious are quite often known to speak to themselves in prayer or in meditation, whatever you may call it. This is a completely natural act and in no way constitutes delusion or insanity. If he had said, "I have done as you asked Satan, there is light.", God may have been hauled off to the asylum. Let's continue.
The Second Day
"The separation of the waters. There was yet no liquid water, no oceans. All of the water was in the form of a vapor, a worldwide super-fog, extending a number of kilometers/miles up from the very hot (above the boiling temperature of water) bare-rock earth's surface (the earth's core remains molten right to the present day). God's "hovering over the waters" in verse 2 describes His being above that gaseous-water atmosphere, not a liquid ocean. God then caused most of the water to condense onto the cooling earth which simultaneously formed a whole-planet ocean and cleared the sky." (Genesis 1:6-8)
You thirsty? Boom. Try some of this. It's called water and it's pretty fucking awesome. I'm just glad he decided to change it from its gaseous state to a liquid or else I'd be parched as hell. Also, who could deal with an entire ocean's worth of humidity in the air? Uncomfortable! Side-note: Did you notice the hint at something that may be a great place to put all the sinners? Talk about a clever deity. He must have been planning that one from the start. This has been quite a 9-5 for our diligent creator. Anyways, another day, another step closer to a kick-ass planet. Moving right along.
The Third Day
"The first appearance of dry ground. The further cooling of the surface set in motion a process of natural contraction, uplifting and motion of the crust (the process continues today, called "plate tectonics"). The earth changed from a smooth one-level molten "cue ball" to a planet with an irregular surface with ocean basins and continental landmasses. With dry ground available, the first plants were made to grow in great abundance." (Genesis 1:9-13)
I don't know if you've ever tried to walk on molten lava, but it's tricky. It's kind of like that weekend office team building retreat where you have to walk across hot coals. Our calloused feet is the reason a non-believer may call attention to this so-called impressive showing of will and belief. It's obvious to a follower of Christ that one's faith is what allows us to traverse the perils of the smoldering embers. Even God knew we wouldn't be able to walk on that lava so he decided to cool it all off in a day or so. He's just that good. Okay so we've got flora. Fauna has to be next, right?
The Fourth Day
"With the sky now clear, the sun, moon and stars were dependably visible. They were to "serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years." The sun marked the day (sunset to sunset), the moon the month (new moon to new moon), and the stars the seasons (constellations are seen in particular seasons e.g. "Orion" is visible in winter in the northern hemisphere, which is summer in the southern hemisphere)." (Genesis 1:14-19)
Well, damn. I was wrong. God was actually pretty lazy on the 4th day. He didn't really do much except maybe get things moving i.e. the Earth's rotation around the sun and the spin upon its own axis. It's like a shove, really. All day for this one effortless nudge? Whatever you say, Bible. As far as the stars shining, that's kind of a cause and effect. I'm not going to count that as an item to check off on his to-do list. Now let's get something down there to hang out in this place.
The Fifth Day
"Great numbers of birds and sea creatures. God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." (Genesis 1:20-23)
Alright! We've got some birds. Great. I assume he tossed in some sharks, whales, sea anemones, etc. We've got life, people! I don't know if I'd gloss over this the way the Bible does. You've gotta milk it and grab the readers by the throat. "Fucking great whites! Do you know how many teeth God had to make?!" That kind of thing. Maybe I'm just a better writer than the the all-powerful creator of the cosmos. But anyways, he got these animals sexin' and went back to sleep.
The Sixth Day
"Vast numbers of land animals. Man. From the man, woman (humans today are just now discovering how to genetically alter fertilized embryos, and even to create one human from the tissue of another - known as "cloning")." (Genesis 1:24-31)
Wait a second...is that..us? Hey! We made it! I was beginning to think He cared more about the lava and tectonic plates than He did those He created in his own image. He made a dude(Adam. Thank god he wasn't born addicted to crack or anything like that) He then snagged the rib out of that dude and made a chick(Eve). So there they are. Living it up in the Garden of Eden and everything's great and always would be. Right? I haven't read any further into the good book than that so I'm going on the assumption that nothing unwanted or undeserved would ever happen to our protagonists. Okay, that's pretty much everything. Land, air, sea, and animals. I'd say He earned this 7th day respite.
The Seventh Day
"The Sabbath Day. "By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested [orceased] from all the work of creating that He had done." The day that is the basis for The Fourth Commandment." (Genesis 2:2-3)
Keep holy the Sabbath. Understandable, right? Not really. This one's kind of a sneaky move on his part in that it creates the perfect excuse for everyone to forget about everything they had planned all week and stop to honor him for hours on end. Thanks for giving me all this God, but now you want me to give you back 1/7th of it? Not to mention all the time I have to spend sleeping, there goes another 1/3 of every day. Oh, and I'm almost constantly eating, going to the bathroom,shaving, clipping fingernails, etc. The way I see it, if you wanted us to spend all this time praising you, you shouldn't have given us all these stipulations for living. But I digress, 7 days, one crazy-ass week, and it's done. By the way, when you break it down into a lot of other equal periods of time it sounds less impressive. Less 'holy.' 1/52 of a year seems kind of arbitrary. 10,080 minutes? Why couldn't He have completed it in 10,079 minutes? I guess it was never a race so that's a point in His favor. But why spend any time on it at all? Why not complete it before He started it? And why tell us about the 7 days afterward? Not a very modest creator.
Genesis sets itself up for mockery. When you're trying to present the facts for an absolute, all-powerful deity, why give Him such slow, comically dwarfed abilities? Why is He restricted to the cycle of a day when we on Earth are the only ones that are affected by the Earth's spin away from the light of the sun? It seems if we were truly the reason all this was created, then all that there is would be completely available to us. There wouldn't be a majority of space that completely lacks the ability to sustain life. There wouldn't be planets without water or plant-life to provide oxygen. Also, a valid point is just how unlivable much of our own wondrous planet really is. Volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, earthquakes, freezing cold, intense heat, the majority of the planet submerged in water. For a world created with us clearly in mind, He apparently had no fucking idea what we needed to survive. This hardly seems to me to be someone or something worth devoting time of sheer admiration or wonder to. He did a rather poor job and should be treated as such.
The thing about this entire introduction to God/genesis/Christianity thing that really gets me is the simplicity of it all. It's so easy for a child to comprehend and then have a rapid, unscientific, understanding of the world around them. The truth of it is assumed. Once you know this, you have nowhere to go but further into Christian dogma and superstition. It's appeal is its absolute explanation for how things came to be and why we are here...but that lends not an ounce of credence to it. Evolution swiftly separates the placement of animals on the planet from the fiction it came from. They were not simply 'created' and immediately set upon their instinctual goal of eating, mating, and survival in general. Through the slow and non-sentient process of adaptation and natural selection they came to evolve to what animals we now see today. People seem to truly despise the thought of us coming from a primordial ooze as it were, but I much prefer that to the tribal and archaic postulations religion imposes upon us to this very day. What a fantastic thing it is that we are able to actually observe and comment upon the world around us. That we can shake loose the shackles of a way-of-life that enslaved so many before us and has no true purpose among civilized people of the 21st century.
The moral debate is obviously a great one, but even if the placement of Christian theology upon the masses drove them to be more generous, caring or loving (which is in no way proven and tends to be shown as quite the opposite) it does not lend an bit of truth to God's existence. I believe religion to be an oppressor of free-thought, an enemy of progression that the world would be far better off without. Moreover, I believe we must take religion off of it's pedestal and let our criticisms be heard. If you have doubt, let people know it. If we can expose a religious leader of hypocrisy and immorality or criminal behavior, we must do so. Time has and will continue to teach us of the wrongs committed by those who profess to know all the answers. Their piety does not provide them with any immunity or placement above any other. Remember to always use your critical and logical faculties and to never stop questioning things, especially those things which do not require evidence to exist.
Or maybe you can find solace in this?
"The question of whether the seven days of creation were literal days, or symbolic of stages of development is actually irrelevant to the undeniable reality that Creation happened. The observable universe, the earth beneath our feet, and every one of us exist. Who needs more proof than that?"
http://www.keyway.ca/htm2002/sevncrea.htm
I do.
David D.
"I am so made that I cannot believe"